U.S. Intelligence: Burundi May Be Developing Telephone

WASHINGTON—According to a report released by the Pentagon, evidence suggests that the small Central African nation of Burundi may be developing a telephone, and experts warn the country could be just 10 years away from achieving a dial tone. "If Burundi's telephone has long-distance capabilities, it will be possible for them to reach the continental United States and parts of Canada with just the push of several buttons," CIA spokesman Richard Caburn said. "Thankfully, we possess advanced caller ID technology, so if they ever decide to call, we will be prepared." The Pentagon has mailed Burundi a letter asking them to end their communications program immediately, and has not ruled out the option of a preemptive nuclear strike on the nation.

- The Onion